My Shoulder Replacement

It’s me again, back with another ouchie of a blog! After my latest stumble, my doctor actually pulled me aside and asked if I thought someone was out to get me! Little old me! Oh, how I laughed…

         And now your gal is back at the shoulder surgeon’s getting the whole thing looked at. Actually, it wasn’t too bad in the end, she just slapped an icepack on it and told me not to use it for a couple of days. Then she got this weird look when I reached for my purse and asked to check my other shoulder.

         Guess who’s outwardly displaying signs of shoulder arthritis!

         I think I’ve scored the big one this time – no more arthroscopies for me! Nope, this time I’m in for a classic shoulder arthroplasty, an anatomic shoulder replacement; the whole thing!

         (Again, not a doctor, this isn’t actual medical advice – although I do know a lot of doctors, now that I think about it…)

         You know how your shoulder is basically just a fancy, meaty ball-and-socket situation? Well, those bones are supposed to have cartilage on the ends of them. Supposed to. Mine apparently gave up on their cartilage and now the ball and the socket don’t like each other very much and keep touching instead of smoothly going past one another.

(Wait, does that mean they like each other more? Help, I’m lost in my own metaphor!)

In any case, I need the most reliable shoulder surgeon around Melbourne to replace my ball with a fun piece of ceramic instead (I’ve asked for it to be the same colour as my bathroom tiles). The socket has to be replaced too, with a nice, smooth bit of plastic that’ll work well with the ceramic ball.

Recovery is going to be a bit rougher on this one, apparently. A couple extra days in hospital (yay juice cups!), a while in a sling and a long-standing appointment with the physiotherapist whose kids I’m personally putting through private school.

Luckily, this will definitely be my last shoulder injury.

Definitely.