Industrial Solar Future

The year is 2243 and finally Industrial Solar has complete control of the galaxy. Well, almost. There is still that little blip. The anomaly planet. The bane of my existence. Earth. The primitive planet that refused our offer of unlimited clean energy when I visited in the year 2020. President Crumpet essentially spat in my face and told me that he would be sticking with dirty, unsafe fuel and energy. On that planet, all they care about is money. Failing to convert them will forever be my biggest failure.

Of course, the humans then, with knowledge of other intelligent life in the universe, became driven to explore the stars. They waged war with the entire known universe, bringing down planet after planet, converting them back to the old fuels and energy supplies. The power of the Industrial Solar Galactic Empire™ declined. How could the High Ambassador of Industrial Solar have failed so badly? President Crumpet, King of the United States of Earth, would not relent. He almost brought down our entire corporate empire.

Humans are aggressive and barbaric. They could not leave the rest of the galaxy to its peace, under the banner of Industrial Solar’s ten-thousand suns. For over two hundred years we fought back, until finally, we forced them to return to their tiny planet. Now I keep an eye on the humans with my station of commercial energy monitoring near Melbourne. Due to the technicalities of our galactic constitution, we aren’t allowed to wipe out the humans entirely, since they’re a “protected species”. Which means they’re just sitting there, mocking me for all eternity. President Crumpet VII constantly sends me space mail, talking about how vulnerable they are to attack on Earth, because he knows I can’t act on it.

Of course, it isn’t actually the year 2243. It’s still 2020, but that’s how I imagine the future will be if I can’t convince President Crumpet to accept our clean and renewable solar energy. Wish me luck.